Numbing Down

I have nothing left in me to be.
To react, to cry, to be angry.
You ask me if I am upset,
Scared to say what I'll regret.
I don't know if I'm allowed this rage.
Can I erase this chapter of my page?
Have I made the same mistake again?
Was I to naive to dream of summer rain?
Is happiness just a state of mind,
Absolutely not meant for my kind?
Is trust and love only for the dictionary?
Am I to take it as a joy ride, not seriously?
I guess theres no place for me to be alive
Being numb, a stone, emotionless I'll thrive
Like a parasite feeding on my own emotions I'll grow
Storms tearing me part by part, only a smile to show
Being real has no joy, it has absolutely no reward,
Doesn't get you the prize, you'll not progress forward.