The process

From the time since scrapped knees and teary tantrums were regulars to the routine life of an office-goer, I have learnt so many things. Today especially I am haunted by the words my mother told me when I was 16 when all that mattered were my friends.


She said, "Be careful not to get close to too many. Find the few and far between who stand the test of time like diamonds in the coal." I brisked it off thinking what mom was really saying is study more and hang out less with friends. Little did I know this would lead to many disasters in my life. But then these disasters have taught me so much and have made me realised while searching for the diamonds amidst the coal you do get your self stained black and suffer cuts and bruises along the way. But as my grandpa always said - "we are all sculptures and the trials of life chip away the unwanted parts of our life and we stand in the end a beautiful sculpture of God." The same was reinstated in my being when I got to know God and I turned from being an atheist witch practitioner to God fearing Christ loving, Bible believing spiritual being.


So in other words the people that hurt me, I can turn back to them and thank them. And moreover cherish those who stuck by with me through all these years. Sure we had fall outs, but the coming back confirmed a strong bond. I am also reminded about this line from the Bible in Proverbs (a wisdom filled chapter) it says in Proverbs 27:6 - 'Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.'


So friends hurt us, maybe they say things we don't like, but we should appreciate what they are saying if it helps us. But beware in your choice of calling someone friend, because the person may most likely be an enemy if she/he has hidden motives behind what they are telling you. As years have passed by I have realised the importance of testing relationships and getting rid of the ones that pull me down like excess baggage.. Everyone has known me to be forgiving and someone you can always run back to when you want. Well here's some news people, you can run back whenever you want and yes I will forgive, but your place in my life would be secondary and the trust, love and respect I probably had for you a few days, months or even years ago would be much less. I may be forgiving, but I am not foolish. In college was known to be the 'sweet' girl and even taken advantage of willingly and quite knowledgeably, but I have evolved as an adult.


The past one year has been evident of that and I have shocked myself. I have learnt that I am sensitive to the core yet strong and in-charge of my emotions (discovered I could successfully numb myself down and smile even when all I really feel like doing is to curl up and cry like a little baby). Another thing I realised is bitterness is something we all deal with is an area that has to be dealt with not ignored and left in a corner to pile on one after another. The piling up of bitterness finally culminates into something I call a potential-eruptive-volcano ala emotions. Once we learn to look beyond bitterness (something I'm still coping with) there's a freedom and growth that heals away the wounds of our soul. I have accomplished this only by the grace of God and in my conversations with Him, realised how to let go. To be honest there are two people in my life that I have so much bitterness towards that it feels impossible to let go off. So much so I get frustrated with myself sometimes. But then I realised the hurt they have caused me has sculpted me in such a way that I am able to deal with certain things better than most people. So yeay!! bring on the chipping process my dear God.. It's in your plan and process of making me close to perfect, so that all that's human may know about a living God working in my life.